Our house is kind of an emotional stew right now. Most of the time we're maintaining an even keel, but simmering under the surface we have sadness, anger, worry, frustration.
Sometimes we're hopeful, but other times we're not. There are certainly moments of joy and thankfulness. But at any moment, it seems, I can be thrown into an episode of depression where I can't get myself off the couch.
I'm not really sure how to explain to people what we're going through. It's almost like we've been told our daughter has a terminal illness, and we don't know how long she'll live. I realize it's not really like that--thankfully we aren't watching her suffer in physical pain, and even if we lose her, it's possible we will have the opportunity to see her again in the future.
But every now and then I have a thought like, "I can't wait to see Ava Rose and Isaac playing outside together when she's old enough to walk." And then I think, "But she might not be with us then." There are so many things we look forward to with our kids, and every time one of those thoughts comes to mind, it brings a pang of heartache.
We're trying to figure out how to live normal life in the midst of all these unknowns and all these emotions. Staying connected to God through reading the Bible and other Christian writing, and through prayer, is helpful. I continue to trust God--not necessarily to trust that things will turn out like I hope, but to trust that He invited us into this, and that He will be with us through it. And that ultimately He wins.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Ava Rose's First Six Weeks in Pictures
Because of the complicated nature of the situation we haven't been sharing about Ava Rose's arrival on Facebook. This might be silly, but I'm kind of disappointed by this. I enjoy seeing pictures of friends' new babies. When Isaac was born it was fun to share his arrival with the world by putting pictures up online. I'm glad to have this blog as a place to share pictures of her, and to share stories of how she and Isaac are getting along. Here are some pictures from her first six weeks:
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Where Things Stand: January 26, 2013
I sent out an email prayer update almost two weeks ago to let people know that Ava Rose's biological father, J, has taken all the legal action he can to prevent the adoption, and in fact, to gain custody of Ava Rose.
We really don't know a whole lot more, but here's where we stand, as far as I understand it (the legalities of all this are a bit complicated):
J has signed the putative father registry, which entitles him to be informed of all actions involving the adoption, and entitles him to a hearing in probate court in which he has to prove that he gave emotional or financial support to Ava Rose's birthmother, A, at any time before signing.
He has also filed a paternity action in family court, requesting to be declared the legal father, and also seeking full custody and child support from A. This paternity action entitles him to a hearing in which he can make his case for why he should get custody and child support. That hearing had been scheduled for Thursday, Jan. 24, but A's lawyer wasn't available, so they had asked for a continuance. We did not hear for certain if that continuance was granted, but since we've heard nothing else, we're assuming it was.
Our lawyer is planning to make a case before the judge in Lucas County Probate Court that because our adoption petition was filed in Lucas County Probate Court before J's paternity action was filed in Williams County Family Court, that the paternity action should be dismissed because jurisdiction for this case has been established in Lucas County.
This is significant, because adoptions are usually handled in probate court, and if J is declared the legal father in a family court, then his consent is needed for the adoption. If he is never declared the legal father, and if he cannot prove support to A during and just after her pregnancy, then his consent is not needed.
At this point, our number one desire is that, since J does claim to have a relationship with Jesus, he would be convicted by the Spirit and realize that his actions are completely selfish and are not in the best interest of him, his wife, his other children, A, or especially, Ava Rose. We are hoping that he will drop all his legal action and sign consent papers to allow us to adopt Ava Rose and give her a chance at a fresh start in life with an in-tact family.
Our second hope is that the judge in Lucas County (I believe it is Judge Puffenberger), will decide in our favor, order to dismiss J's case in Williams County, and agree that J did not provide financial or emotional support. We think that if this happens, we can move forward with finalizing the adoption this summer.
It may be possible that even if the judge in Lucas County rules in our favor, that J could appeal his decision, or that he could re-file his actions in Williams County Family Court. So even if things initially go our way, we're not sure if that will be the end of it.
Our lawyer has requested a hearing with the judge in Lucas County, and we hope that hearing will take place within 2-3 weeks. We're realizing this may be a long, drawn-out process. Emotionally it has been very difficult. I will probably write more about that in another post soon.
We're continuing to trust in God's goodness, and trying not to insist on understanding why He is allowing things to play out as they are. We continue to sense His presence with us. I've said this before to many of you, but I continue to hold on to it: I'm learning that faith is sometimes more about saying yes to God in the moment, than about being sure of a particular outcome. I honestly don't know if things will go our way, but I know God has invited us into this journey, and I'm moving forward trusting in His goodness and love for all of us.
We really don't know a whole lot more, but here's where we stand, as far as I understand it (the legalities of all this are a bit complicated):
J has signed the putative father registry, which entitles him to be informed of all actions involving the adoption, and entitles him to a hearing in probate court in which he has to prove that he gave emotional or financial support to Ava Rose's birthmother, A, at any time before signing.
He has also filed a paternity action in family court, requesting to be declared the legal father, and also seeking full custody and child support from A. This paternity action entitles him to a hearing in which he can make his case for why he should get custody and child support. That hearing had been scheduled for Thursday, Jan. 24, but A's lawyer wasn't available, so they had asked for a continuance. We did not hear for certain if that continuance was granted, but since we've heard nothing else, we're assuming it was.
Our lawyer is planning to make a case before the judge in Lucas County Probate Court that because our adoption petition was filed in Lucas County Probate Court before J's paternity action was filed in Williams County Family Court, that the paternity action should be dismissed because jurisdiction for this case has been established in Lucas County.
This is significant, because adoptions are usually handled in probate court, and if J is declared the legal father in a family court, then his consent is needed for the adoption. If he is never declared the legal father, and if he cannot prove support to A during and just after her pregnancy, then his consent is not needed.
At this point, our number one desire is that, since J does claim to have a relationship with Jesus, he would be convicted by the Spirit and realize that his actions are completely selfish and are not in the best interest of him, his wife, his other children, A, or especially, Ava Rose. We are hoping that he will drop all his legal action and sign consent papers to allow us to adopt Ava Rose and give her a chance at a fresh start in life with an in-tact family.
Our second hope is that the judge in Lucas County (I believe it is Judge Puffenberger), will decide in our favor, order to dismiss J's case in Williams County, and agree that J did not provide financial or emotional support. We think that if this happens, we can move forward with finalizing the adoption this summer.
It may be possible that even if the judge in Lucas County rules in our favor, that J could appeal his decision, or that he could re-file his actions in Williams County Family Court. So even if things initially go our way, we're not sure if that will be the end of it.
Our lawyer has requested a hearing with the judge in Lucas County, and we hope that hearing will take place within 2-3 weeks. We're realizing this may be a long, drawn-out process. Emotionally it has been very difficult. I will probably write more about that in another post soon.
We're continuing to trust in God's goodness, and trying not to insist on understanding why He is allowing things to play out as they are. We continue to sense His presence with us. I've said this before to many of you, but I continue to hold on to it: I'm learning that faith is sometimes more about saying yes to God in the moment, than about being sure of a particular outcome. I honestly don't know if things will go our way, but I know God has invited us into this journey, and I'm moving forward trusting in His goodness and love for all of us.
Our Second Adoption Story
Back in October, we found out that after a 2-and-a-half-year wait, a birthmom had chosen us to be the parents of the little girl she was carrying, due December 15.
Soon after we got this news, we found out that the biological father, who had been agreeable to the adoption, had changed his mind. He had an appointment with our agency to sign consent papers, but he cancelled that appointment and said he did not believe the adoption was God's will.
There are many details I'm leaving out, and some of you reading this may already know some of those details. To be honest, I've probably shared more details with some than I should have about the situation. But for those of you who want to follow our journey, I'll start out with some basic information.
After meeting the birthmom, A, Mark and I felt confident that God was inviting us to make ourselves available to this little girl. After hearing A's story, we agreed with her that the best choice for this baby was to be adopted by a loving, in-tact, Christian family, in spite of the fact that the biological father disagreed. Unfortunately, the laws regarding adoption in Ohio make it possible for a biological father to stop an adoption, even if the adoption is the best thing for the child. So we knew going into this situation that it would be risky. There was a good chance that at any time, the whole process could be stopped, and we would not be able to become this little girl's forever family.
I hope to share in future posts more details about what we have experienced and learned so far in this process. And I will also update the legal situation here, so those of you who want the latest news can check in.
For those who may be finding out about all this for the first time, you can rejoice with us that we did bring home our little girl, after being present for her birth on December 18 at 2:06 AM. She weighed 8 lbs, 2 oz, and was 19.5 inches long. We named her Ava Rose Maureen Erdmann, and we're calling her Ava Rose.
Isaac has really enjoyed becoming a big brother, and absolutely loves Ava Rose. He asks to hold her many times a day, and loves to talk to her and tell her stories (the latest stories have involved a little girl who becomes very small and walks around inside Ava Rose's tummy...)
Because of the tenuous situation of all this, we are keeping this blog set up as private. Please don't send the blog address or links to anyone else. If you think someone may be interested in reading it, please send me an email and I'll send them the link.
We are greatly blessed to have people all over the world praying for our family in this time. Please keep it up.
Soon after we got this news, we found out that the biological father, who had been agreeable to the adoption, had changed his mind. He had an appointment with our agency to sign consent papers, but he cancelled that appointment and said he did not believe the adoption was God's will.
There are many details I'm leaving out, and some of you reading this may already know some of those details. To be honest, I've probably shared more details with some than I should have about the situation. But for those of you who want to follow our journey, I'll start out with some basic information.
After meeting the birthmom, A, Mark and I felt confident that God was inviting us to make ourselves available to this little girl. After hearing A's story, we agreed with her that the best choice for this baby was to be adopted by a loving, in-tact, Christian family, in spite of the fact that the biological father disagreed. Unfortunately, the laws regarding adoption in Ohio make it possible for a biological father to stop an adoption, even if the adoption is the best thing for the child. So we knew going into this situation that it would be risky. There was a good chance that at any time, the whole process could be stopped, and we would not be able to become this little girl's forever family.
I hope to share in future posts more details about what we have experienced and learned so far in this process. And I will also update the legal situation here, so those of you who want the latest news can check in.
For those who may be finding out about all this for the first time, you can rejoice with us that we did bring home our little girl, after being present for her birth on December 18 at 2:06 AM. She weighed 8 lbs, 2 oz, and was 19.5 inches long. We named her Ava Rose Maureen Erdmann, and we're calling her Ava Rose.
Isaac has really enjoyed becoming a big brother, and absolutely loves Ava Rose. He asks to hold her many times a day, and loves to talk to her and tell her stories (the latest stories have involved a little girl who becomes very small and walks around inside Ava Rose's tummy...)
Because of the tenuous situation of all this, we are keeping this blog set up as private. Please don't send the blog address or links to anyone else. If you think someone may be interested in reading it, please send me an email and I'll send them the link.
We are greatly blessed to have people all over the world praying for our family in this time. Please keep it up.
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